Pelican Punting Podcast Episode One is Live!

Here it is folks, the very first Pelican Punting Podcast, recorded on 6 November, Sydney time. Click on the link below and enjoy!

Pelican Punting Podcast – Episode 1.  6 Nov 2014

PS I really hope this works…it will also be available on iTunes….at some point in the next decade…maybe

Advertisements

Gargy’s weekly Winners- NFL week 10

I copped yet another spray from my mate Shirt about being slack and not putting up my tips, however, in the weeks I have placed I reckon I am behind, where as I hope all the followers are following Shirt- the dude is on fire. So onto week 10, here is what I like-

The Steelers!! Holy shit I hear you say, “Gargy you bandwagon hopper on er aron and yep, over-reaction”, I am hoping on but not just because the Steelers are playing well the Jets suck. I love Mike Vick, he is my favourite player of all time, but this isn’t 8 year ago when he was the leading rushing QB in the NFL at the Falcons, he is 34 years, and he cant get the protection he needs to stay upright and unfortunately when he gets tackled the ball just seems to come loose.
Take the -4 on the Steelers at $1.91. Plus big ben has thrown 12 TD’s in the past 2 weeks, 12!! That’s friggin amazing.

If you are a greedy punter like yours truly, roll it into Denver vs Oakland. $1.17 is better than bank interest and whilst Manning had a really bad game last week vs the Pats, the Raiders wont trouble him- lock it in.

Shirt you can have $6.50 for the Raiders to go 0-16, do you like it bro? I have looked at their schedule and they have 3 potential games to break the cherry, they might beat your chargers in SD in 2 weeks, if they lose that here is the remaining games; Home to KC, At Rams (maybe a win), Home to 49ers, At KC, Home to Bills (maybe last hurrah?) at Denver. Stats show they probably finish 1-15, but wow- what a shit team!

I am going to go back to my best outsider and in the space of 24 hours have totally changed my mind, in our podcast (which will be hitting pelicanpunting in the not too distant future) I called the Ravens the best lock as a head to head bet this week, I am off them and whilst I wont stake any cash, I am taking the points with the Titans this week, why? I looked and Ravens injury toll and its massive, they don’t have a secondary and basically have injuries all over the park. The Titans have been terrible this year, but 10 points will be enough, I think Zach Mettenberg will put on a good show vs the ordinary Ravens secondary and the dude will take shots all day, he may throw a pick or two, but I think will be capable of throwing a few TD’s. So if you win money punting on the ponies, pokies or have recently your grandma has given you some cash for your birthday- get it on the Titans with the start.

Gargy’s Week 8 NFL Best Bets

Howdy punters I just spent 48 with none other than Shirty and what an experience! The most obnoxious drunk you have ever met, but lots of fun to get on the drink with, plus we found plenty of winners, so its time to turn our attention to week 8 in the NFL

I feel there are a few locks this week and the first one is the early game being played in London where the Lions will smash up the Falcons. The Lions are $1.50 had to head and that is a gift. The Lions have really good defence this year, (actually ranked #1) I think Megatron wont play so Stafford has one less weapon to chuck to, but still has a great receivers available. The Falcons are a mess, their O line is horrible and I think Matt Ryan will have a very uncomfortable night. Back the Lions- they win.

The Packers vs Saints is a great game and I cannot believe the Packers are outsiders, there is a heap of money for the Saints, the Packers opened up $2.05 and they out to $2.17, the Sainst are into $1.67 which is horrible. The Saints are lucky that the NFC South stinks, the saints are 2 and 4 but only 1 win behind the Panthers (who are very hot and cold). Therefore given how bad the NFC South is I am not saying this is do or die for the saints, if they slip to 2 and 5 its far from ideal but not season ending, because they can smash up the Falcons and Bucs and beat the Panthers and could make the play offs with a record of 7 and 9. The over/under is 55 points which is high, but if the saints can turn it on it could get there- personally leave the points out and simply take the Packers with a small start. +3.5 @$1.61

This week I will multi the above 2 bets for a juicy collect of $245.

Gargy’s MNF Selection- Week 6

I cannot wait to read Shirt week 6 wrap up where the home teams were hammered and managed only 4 win or so wins and where the dogs covered approximately just under 50% of matches for week 6. But we are onto Monday Night Football and my question of the week? Is this the Rams biggest game of the year? I believe it is because look at their upcoming 6 matches-

Home to Seattle

At Kansas

At 49ers

At Arizona

Home to Denver

At San Diego..Wow by my books that is at least 5 losses, with maybe a win at Kansas, but could very well be 6 losses coming up, therefore I feel they will lift in this week edition of MNF but ultimately fall short.

The over under line is 43.5 AND THE BOOKIES ARE SO LAZY, the Niners are allowing an average of 22 PPG, the Rams are averaging scoring 21 points per game and I believe it will go over and whilst I think it will be a close match the niners cover the 3.5 points.

I am in a bit of a slump, but we are plonking $100 on -3.5/Overs at $3.86. Hop on board..

The year of the over-reaction

The year of the over-reaction.

My learned friend Shirty is calling 2014 the year of the dawg, however I am calling 2014 the year of the over-reaction. I know the NFL is lovely nice and compact season, but I cant think of another sport where everyone, including the analysts, bookies and myself flip flop on a weekly basis, want some examples? Ok here goes-

Week 5- why on earth would I back against Brady and Bellicheck, why ? I wasn’t alone, so the Pats got off to a slow start to the year and everyone including myself loaded up on the undefeated Bengals in week 5, the reason cited were- Brady isn’t going all that well, their O line is garbage, undefeated Bengals with great pass rush etc. etc. ridiculous!! The Pats aren’t a great team, but they are still a 9-10 win team, the Afc East is a shit division- damn it! Massive over-reaction.

The Atlanta Falcons- they don’t get a week, they get an entire section. At the start of the year I thought they were an ordinary team, Matt Ryan is a great QB, he has a nice set of receivers to chuck the ball to, but their defence is average… They come out straight out the gate and beat the saints in week 1, and most people (including myself) thought that the Saints would go real deep this year- so week 2 given the fact the Falcons beat the Saints in week 1, we load up on the Falcons +5.5 vs the Bengals and they do absolutely nothing. Week 3 its Thursday night Football and they smash the Bucs and then head into week 4 against the Vikings who have QB questions, still missing the NFL’s best running back and they get smoked by the Vikings, week 5 they get beaten again away from home to the Giants- who to be fair are improving- however the Falcons are going into the “do not bet bucket” for 2014. They will lose more than they win- but may pop up and screw your multi’s, if you have to include bet against them when they are away as they do play better at home.

The Saints- Hands up who has managed to catch the Saints 3/5 times at the line? I am calling bullshit!! Here is the tale of the tape- Week 1 – vs Falcons, started favourites by 3 and lost, week 2 5 point favourite vs Browns and lost, Week 3, -9.5 favourite and covered vs Vikings at home, week 4 again started favourites by 3 and got smoked by 21 points away vs Dallas, week 5 this time at home -11 favourites vs the Bucs who are dreadful and they won in OT. Jimmy Graham is now injured, their big name safety signing Jarius Bryd is done for the year (but was playing like a busted anyway), I had them going deep- I cant see them making the playoffs.
The final team is killing punters in 2014 is the bills. In week 1 and 2 on the road the Bills started as Dawgs and won outright both games, and very few people tipped against them, instead taking the Bears and Dolphins, so week 3 at home to the Chargers they somehow start 2.5 points favourites, everyone flip flops and hops on the Bills bandwagon only to see them get beaten. Week 4 was an avoid game because they were away to the Texans and lost and so away in week 5 to the Lions (who were at home and 3 and 1 for the season) the Bills starts with a 4.5 points start and what do they do? They win outright of course.

What was the biggest play in week 5? How about Dez Bryant going up and getting this ball and then kicking a game winning FG

<iframe width="560" height="315" src="//www.youtube.com/embed/HWVzTcZW2gk" frameborder=”allowfullscreen>

In summary what is the point of this article? Stick with your pick. If you back a team and they go down in a week at home, don’t be shy to double down on them

NFL Week 5- Gargy’s Best Bets

Greetings all, I tried putting some things together last week and personally collected, just never shared, so here goes for week 5 and we are betting double this week as we have $100 from last week. I hope you are all buying the year the dawg theory from my good friend shirty, because whilst their winning percentages aren’t as good as week 1, there is still lots of value with the dog, he also hit the jackpot with the packers (-) into overs for a juicy collect on TNF.

This week the following team win as favourites- The Seahawks vs the ordinary Redskins and The Bengals who are undefeated vs the Pats reason being- The Redskins stink, they really do and Seattle are simply too good. The $1.30 for H2H is skinny for a road team but this leg should feature in all multi’s and I am not hopping on the bandwagon to put the boot into Brady, I just think the Bengals will be too good. They have a great pass rush, the Pats O-line sucks. The Bengals have a solid O-line which will provide protection, the Pats pass rush isn’t the worst, but its not the best. Brady is a great passer, but he his receivers aren’t great and Gronk isn’t the player he was, need me to keep going? OK and the following team is the best outsider of the week- The Browns…yeah I know the friggin Browns at $2.30 are great value, they have actually been unlucky in their 2 losses, but have covered twice as Dogs.

So this week- $200 on Cinci (1.81) into Browns +4.5 (1.80) into Seahawks (1.30) for a wopping $847

By gargyandshirt Posted in NFL

NFL Week 2- Gargy’s Bets

NFL Week 3

 

Some horrible punting in week 2 and so we move onto week 3 with not as much confidence. There are some really good teams who have started 0-2 and the stats say only 16% of teams make the play offs when they start zero from two. Therefore the Saints, Colts and Chiefs amongst others better win in week 3.

 

So week 3 we are going to keep it simple

Colts win Head to head $1.34-> Saints Head to head at $1.30 X $100 to return $175

 

Shirt will probably disagree with my bet, because in the year of the dog, underdogs are covering lots, but I am taking 2 class teams to beat inferior teams (in my opinion)

By gargyandshirt Posted in NFL

Gargy’s Ante Post Bets 2014

G’day guys, my mate Shirty challenged me to release my best bets for the NFL for season 2014. So here goes; I too bet with Sportsbet and there is a very good reason- PYOL (or pick your own start) I would love to know if the hundred of followers we have from Canada, Mexico and the USA are familiar with this concept, I tell you why it is important- last year 50% of all matches were decided by 7 points of less, 23% of all matches were decided by fewer than 3 points, therefore if the line as an example is 5.5 points, chew off the additional points and give yourself a bigger window to collect. It may cost you 30-40 cents but take the +7.5 or the +3.5, never ever back your team with a +2.5 start, make it 3.5.

I think the Chargers can have a good year but they are not beating the Broncos, so folks where Shirty and I differ- $7 is value, but its not value if it doesn’t collect, I like collecting cash.

I am really warming to the Colts, $11 to win the AFC is a really good bet, they are $23 to win superbowl. I am going to chuck $20 on each.

Given that the NFC is loaded with talent Seattle, Packers, Saints, Bears, Eagles to name a few- there is money to be made in the AFC. The Broncos/Pats/Colts are the 3 standouts and you combine them and you get you $2.67 and that will do me for $50.

I too have selected a few under/overs for you

49ers under 10.5 wins.

The Saints to win 11 matches (10 is a push) @ $1.87.

The Colts to win 10 games @$ 1.91

The Draft – Game of Thrones Style

“The more people you love, the weaker you are…Love no one but your children”  Cersei Lannister.

Shirt:  Well, here we are folks.  Draft fever has well and truly taken hold.  In a few hours time we’ll be watching very well paid men read out the names of soon to be extremely well paid men, alongside the name of the team that will be doing the paying.  Riveting stuff.  My objection to the whole “draft as an entire season in itself” phenomenon is well documented (see my thought provoking previous post here), but I’m pleased to say that a throw away line in a footnote of said post has led to something infinitely more interesting (after several hours of hard,  and probably mostly unread work).  And as sure as winter is coming (unless I have grossly misjudged our readership, and the weather), I think it will be a huge hit.  Possibly even an internet sensation.  So, without further ado, sheath your Valerian steel sword, put your feet up on your direwolf fur covered footstool, and…

49565829

 

 

THE RULES

The rules are (relatively) simple.  I have identified the 12 families that I consider the most central to the Game of Thrones universe*.  I have ranked these families in order of their current level of fortune, based on the most recent episode of the TV series, with those high up the order in need of the most help.  As you will see, to keep things interesting, I have taken some poetic license with the definition of “family”.  Sue me.  The ranking will determine their order in the draft.  Next, in keeping with the notion that NFL draftees are young college players, each house is required to put forth their youngest (living) member as a draftee.  Each draftee will then potentially end up in another family.  Or something.  We take the draftees as we find them – just as with an NFL draftee who must make it on his own without the players and coaching staff he had at his disposal in college, so too will our draftees leave any titles or achievements behind them.  They may take with them what they can carry, and any ancillary pets and such like (Direwolfs, Dragons…). If they are currently king, king will they be no more.  They must forge their own lives  in the furnace of their new families, letting their actions speak for themselves.

THE FAMILIES (in draft order)

Pick 1.  House Tully.  A controversial selection for the number 1 pick perhaps (“what about the Starks” I hear the nerds cry) but I’m sorry, last year’s Houston Texans would give these guys a touch up.  Their patriarch, dead.  His tough-as-old-boots daughter**, dead.  His brother, the Blackfish, missing, presumed dead.  His son,  imprisoned, probably better off dead.  To see one of the great houses of the Seven Kingdoms reduced to this is as a sad as watching one of my picks for last season’s Superbowl implode into irrelevance .  Pick 1 with a bullet.

Pick 2.  House Stark.  See, settle down, they get in at pick 2.  And the Lord of Light knows they could use a break.  After riding high in the first season, with a trip to the capital to be Hand of the King, and a veritable keep full of fit and healthy children, things could hardly have looked better.  But, as everyone will tell you as soon as you so much as mention GOT, Winter Is Coming, and in the case of the Starks, it has well and truly arrived.

Pick 3. The Night’s Watch.  Ok, not technically a family, I’ll grant you, but they may as well be – once you join up, you’re a member for life, whether you like it or not.  And they call each other Brother.  And they are the only thing standing between the Seven Kingdoms and a very very cold couple of millennia.  They deserve their spot in the draft, and being a rag tag bunch of cutthroats, rapists and assorted detritus, they could sure use some help.

Pick 4. House Greyjoy.  The proud salty Greyjoys, all frowns and uprisings against the throne, and boats and stuff.  But they’ve had a rough go of it of late.  Routed by the Boltons, bereft of an heir, their most competent member a…gulp…woman (which, lets face it, doesn’t get you far in Westeros) the Ironborn have seen better days.   Could a canny selection in this year’s draft see their fortunes restored?  Time will tell.

Pick 5. House Baratheon (Stannis).  Poor old Stannis looks more and more like an impetuous child who is being denied his favorite toy.  I want the Iron Throne and I want it NOW!  Has been relying on some questionable advice for some time, and his decision making has not been a strong point of late.  Could do anything.

Pick 6. House Arryn.  The Lords of the Eyrie and keepers of the Vale.  Not to mention completely bonkers.  They have a potential new play caller in town in the form of Littlefinger, who you’d have to think will be handed the reins for draft selection and will no doubt choose wisely.

Pick 7.  House Targareyen.  If there was one family in this list dependent on one individual for their get up and go, it has to be the once mighty Targarayens.  And now she’s in the draft.  What can the dragons do to make up for the loss of their most valuable member?  Hang around and hope she has gone unpicked in the first 6 rounds (fat chance).

Pick 8. House Bolton.  The Boltons – second only to the Freys in their lack of honor and ability to put personal gain ahead of all else.  Roose is no goose – a strong leader who has built a game plan around stabbing people in the back, you can’t help but think he has ambitions for the big prize, and the sooner the better.

Pick 9.  House Frey.  Ah Walder Frey.  What a knob.  As if breaking the guest code and killing Rob Stark, his wife, his unborn child and his mother wasn’t enough, he has also almost single handedly secured the North for the Lannisters.  A man without honour is no man at all.  Said someone in the show at some point I’m pretty sure.  And if they didn’t, they should have.  However, for all the fact that the Freys are hated in the Seven Kingdoms only slightly less than the New York Jets, they find themselves in a considerably better position than the Jets in terms of their fortunes.

Pick 10. House Tyrell.  What can you say about the Tyrells – opportunistic, sure.  But, credit where credit’s due (and credit is due almost entirely to Olenna Redwyne, Margaery’s Grandmother) they know what they want and they know how to get it.  And despite horse trading their children at every opportunity, they are also fiercely protective of them, even prepared to commit a bit of regicide to keep them safe.  Hugely wealthy and in bed with the Lannisters, they are currently flying high.

Pick 11.  House Baratheon (Robert).  Look, I know, other than the handful of black haired bastards not killed off by the Goldcloaks, there technically isn’t anything of Robert’s line left.  But according to the laws of the kingdom, a Baratheon, and a son of Robert, currently sits astride the throne.  And his Sister is in Dorne.  Or somewhere.  So we are going to ignore their (obviously) Lannister blood, and say welcome to the draft to the Baratheons.

Pick 12. House Lannister.  What needs to be said about the Lannisters.  They are they New England Patriots of Westeros (except in the coaching staff – Tywin wouldn’t be caught dead in a hoody).  And they certainly don’t need any help from the draft to improve their fortunes (but you just know they are going to get something out of it, right…)

THE DRAFTEES
(with their current houses in brackets)

Edmure Tully (House Tully).  Poor old Edmure.  He wasn’t much of a man when he had a sword in his hand.  A bit of a bungler, with none of the vision and spirit of his uncle or sister.  Now that he’s been married off to a Frey (admittedly an attractive one) and imprisoned only the gods know where, its fair to say his draft stocks aren’t exactly soaring.

Rickon Stark (House Stark). I know that plenty of people wanted Bran to make himself available for the draft, but frankly, the 3 eyed crow needs him, and besides, according to the rules (which I literally made up) it’s the youngest member who goes in.  So Rickon it is.  I’m sure he’s got something going for him?  Maybe we’ll throw in Osha, his adopted Wildling mother-aunt, who kicks ass, to sweeten the deal.

Jon Snow (Night’s Watch).  Ok, so he probably isn’t, technically speaking, their youngest member, but he’s Jon Freaking Snow FFS.  Screw the rules.  If I can put the Night’s Watch in as a family, I can sure as shit make Jon Snow a draftee. He has Longclaw, a Direwolf, a bag full of honor and a whole lot of attitude. Can’t see him slipping outside the top few picks.

Theon “Reek” Greyjoy (House Greyjoy).  Oh dear Theon.  He was a proud lad once, arrogant and full of himself, until the harsh realities of life (a series of flayings and having his cock chopped off and sent to his Dad) brought him crashing back to earth.  For all of his faults, I didn’t mind him when he was…all there (cough cough) but the poor benighted creature he has become is a terrible thing to behold.  I suspect he has about as much chance as Tim Tebow of making it in the big leagues.

Shireen Baratheon (House Baratheon – Stannis).  A bit of n unknown quantity, this one – the first of our ladies, and a young one at that, but I can’t help but think she is a girl of hidden depths and strength.  She’s certainly clever, if a tad naive, having taught Sir Davos to read (although she’s done nothing to rid him of his ridiculous accent).  She’s a girl who knows her own mind with a big future in front of her, and would be a solid addition to any family.

Robyn Arryn (House Arryn).  Ugh.  One of the creepiest characters on the whole show, the breast suckling, flight obsessed little Arryn brat is anything but noble.  Oh sure, it’s not his fault his mother has spoilt him rotten, and living up there in the Vale has got to get to you after a while, but man, I would push the kid out the moon door as soon as look at him.

Danaerys Targareyan (House Targareyan).  Royal blood, check.  Good looks, check.  Experience in war, check. Ability to birth dragons and survive fire, check, check, check.  This girl has got it going on.  Her dragons go with her (of course) and she will no doubt set whatever family she joins on fire.  Shut up.

Ramsay Snow (House Bolton).  Ah Ramsay.  Technically not a Bolton (yet), but 110% a bastard.  In the creepy stakes, this bloke makes Robyn Arryn look like Aaron Rodgers**.  Off the charts weirdo with a penchant for skinning people alive, cutting off their private parts and turning them into, well, whatever Reek is.  Having said all of that, every team needs it’s bad guy, and you can’t help but think, in the right family, he could make a big impact.

A Frey (House Frey).  I don’t even care who the Frey’s send to the draft to be honest.  It may be the youngest kid, but who’d know.  The bloke has more wives and children than Craster, and less decorum.  It’s unlikely Walder would send in the right kid anyway, so we’ll just take whichever one he decides to get rid of.  No one trusts the Lord of the (Double) Crossing.

Margaery Tyrell (House Tyrell).  Ooh lala.  Oh sure, her eyes are a bit too far apart*** but Margaery Tyrell is one hot widow queen.  Without giving anything away, like most of the child characters, she is much younger in the book, so just be grateful the show’s creators had the common sense to up her age in the name of decency, so she could wear less clothing, and we could feel less guilty and weird.

Tommin Baratheon (House Baratheon – Robert).  I like Tommin.  For a child of incest sitting astride a throne he does not deserve, he’s actually seems pretty cool.  He has none of the homicidal tendencies of his brother, he seems willing to listen to his advisers.  Hell, he even likes cats.  What does that make him without the Iron Throne?  A cat loving bloke with a bowl haircut and a snowflakes chance in hell of surviving 5 minutes in the big, bad world.  He is potentially the Johnny Manzial of the GOT Draft.

Tyrion Lannister (House Lannister).  Ha!  You see what I did there.  By going with the “official” story that Tommen is a Baratheon (rather than the ill begotten spawn of his Father-Uncle and Mother-Aunt), I was able to throw everyone’s favorite four foot joke machine into the mix as the youngest Lannister.  An insatiable appetite for booze and sex, a foul mouth and a tendency to get himself locked up, Tyrion is perhaps more like a typical NFL Draftee than anyone else on our list.  To top it off, his name is Tyrion Lannister.  Can you seriously tell me that you can’t imagine the draft announcer going “With the 5th pick of the 2014 draft, the Oakland Raiders select Tyrion Lannister”.  And no one would bat an eyelid.

THE DRAFT

With Pick 1, House Tully selects…Tommin Baratheon!  This is massive – an upset with the first pick.  The obvious early money was on Danaerys and her Dragons.  There was even some talk that they might opt for Rob Arryn out of family loyalty, or even pick Edmure under the misconception that he was not a complete git.  But no!  The Tully’s have once more proven why they, of all the Great Houses, have fallen so low.  They’ve failed to read the rules, thinking that by picking up Tommin they would also get the Iron Throne.  Sorry Fishface, you only get the draftee and what they can carry.  Bzzzt.

With Pick 2, House Stark selects…Jon Snow.  And well they should.  This is a great selection from a family with a proud history that, but for losing their QB to a nasty neck injury early in the season, wouldn’t be anywhere near this high in the draft order.  Snow is a very sensible pick – he knows how the Starks play, and he should slot right in.  He is just the man to recapture Winterfell, and get the family back on its feet.

With Pick 3, the Night’s Watch selects…Danaerys Targaryen.  Very solid pick, and you can’t help but think there was perhaps some collusion here between the Starks and the Watch, with the Starks passing on the chance to pick up a strong leader and the Mother of Dragons.  But the Stark family know how important defending the Wall is (without the Wall, there is no Iron Throne to play for) and they know the Men in Black will need all the help they can get.  What better way to deal with some ice demons than with a bit of dragon’s fire, bitches!  I can’t imagine Danaerys is going to be over the moon about a move to the Wall, particularly after lazing about in the tropics for the last few years, but it couldn’t be any worse than getting picked up by Green Bay.

With Pick 4, the Greyjoys select….Ramsay Bolton.  Here’s a turn up for the books.  The Greyjoy’s have ignored the opportunity to trade up for a quality leader, and have instead gone the revenge option.  You can’t help but think that Ramsay is in for a rough trot in the new family, particularly from Yara.  You get the feeling he is likely to be benched from day one and will be lucky to see any game time (and by benched, I mean literally strapped to a bench, and by lucky to see any game time, I mean drowned.  Repeatedly.)

With Pick 5, Stannis Baratheon selects…Theon Greyjoy.  Oh wow, the surprises just keep coming.  Stannis seems to be thinking strategically, as usual – but as usual, he’s a bit behind the 8 ball.  He has no doubt ignored some very sensible advice from his Hand and gone it alone, possibly with the fire woman whispering in his ear.  The plan seems to have been to try and make use of Greyjoy’s strong sailing game, hoping that the young man would bring his father’s much feared navy to his cause.  But alas, he didn’t bank on Theon being such a (literally) cockless mess.  I can’t see him getting much out of the new look Reek this season or beyond.  A terrible miscalculation from an administration infamous for its poor decision making.

With Pick 6, House Arryn selects…Rob Arryn.  Well, no surprises here.  At first blush, pundits may be surprised that the family would pick back up their own inept progeny to carry on the family name, but when you realise that Lysa is still calling the shots, it makes perfect sense.  Clearly Littlefinger would have made a different decision (you get the feeling he would join me in pushing the kid, and his mother, out the moon door if given half the chance) but what with Rob still…partial to the maternal teat…Lysa was never going to let the kid out of her sight for more than a day, two tops.

With Pick 7, House Targareyen selects…Margaery Tyrrell.  Hmm.  Poor selection here I think, given who is left on the table.  I think the Tagareyen’s have reverted to type here and gone for form over substance, assuming they could replace one flaxen haired beauty with another.  But alas, while Margaery knows her way around court, and has been know to stroke the odd pussy, she ain’t no mother of dragons.  I just can’t see the Targareyen resurgence of recent times continuing with her under centre.

With Pick 8, House Bolton selects…Tyrion Lannister.  Oh you devious bastard Roose.  Probably the only family selecting in the draft capable of seeing past Tyrion’s faults to his brilliance, Bolton has in one fell swoop removed his biggest liability (his bastard) and installed a man capable of contributing more than man parts and bits of other people’s skin to the family cause.  Tyrion won’t necessarily like it, but if Bolton can get him to stay sober and commit, you can see them being champions in the North for a long time to come.

With Pick 9, House Fr….no wait.  News just in that House Frey has traded away its pick to the Lannisters!  Frey will be picking at 12.  Sneaky, double crossing bastards… With Pick 9, House Lanniser selects…Rickon Stark.  Now, I don’t hate this.  Well, I do for Rickon’s sake, obviously, but I can see where they are coming from. They have lost Sansa Stark, who still had some value to them in helping to subdue the North.  They now have a legitimate heir (albeit second in line) to House Stark, and a descendant of the last true King in the North.  You could even see a marriage here to what’s her name who is currently hanging out in Dorne.  Although, technically, she’s a Baratheon.

With Pick 10, House Tyrrell selects…Shireen Baratheon.  Interesting selection, and pleased to see that she has not gone last as she has plenty of raw potential.  I suspect Olenna sees this, and hopes to take her under her wing.  Certainly not a first year player, but she will hopefully flourish in the picturesque and wholly unfamiliar surrounds of the Reach, which, I’m told, is lovely this time of year.  Got to love a good news story!

With Pick 11, House Baratheon selects…Edmure Tully.  Oh well, there were limited options here for the Baratheons.  It is an uninspiring selection from a tough position.  And I may be underestimating Tully – with a new wife in tow (he can carry her), out of the shadow of his father and in some fresh surrounds (i.e. not a dungeon) he may do well.  I’m warming to this selection more and more. And as a bonus, he now gets to be King.  I think.

With Pick 12, House Frey selects….The Frey kid.  Which, for all we know, is exactly what the old git was planning all along.

So there you have it, that’s it from the Minstrel Alley Music Hall in beautiful Kings Landing – the GOT Draft done and dusted for another year.  Lots of drama, a couple of real surprises, and plenty to look forward to in the season ahead.  We’d love to hear your thoughts and comments (assuming they are all positive).  Thank you and goodnight!


* I am deliberately sticking to the TV series here – no book related spoilers, and the importance of families/characters is based solely upon their expositions in the show.  On the subject of reading the books vs watching the TV show, it saddens me that we have become so intellectually challenged that it is considered perfectly legitimate, even culturally superior, to ignore a written version of a story in favor of the televised one.  By all means, don’t read a book, but don’t make out like choosing to ignore the book in favor of watching it on TV is a form intellectualism. 

**  Am I the only person who finds Catelyn Stark sexy

*** I actually feel really bad for saying that.  Who am I to say her eye’s are too far apart.  Apparently mine are sunken.  But I’m not the only one who thinks so – there is an entire webpage dedicated to identifying actresses who’s eyes are too far apart (Natalie Dormer, who plays Margaery, is #22).  And if that don’t convince you that this world is as least as fucked up as Westeros, nothing will.

**** He’s the least creepy NFL player I could think of.  To be honest, I have a bit of a man crush on Aaron Rodgers.  He’s just got his shit going on – smart, funny, kick ass pocket passer capable of running when necessary.  He’s a dreamboat.

The NFL Draft – The Most Overhyped Event of the Year?

Shirty:  Firstly, it’s great to be back after a long absence.  I didn’t even see out the end of last season so paralyzed was I with shame given some of my picks (Texans to win their division and maybe make the SB cough cough).  Let us never speak of it again.  And if anyone does, know this – I’ve read all of the Song of Ice and Fire books, and will start posting Game of Thrones spoilers on here on a weekly basis.

So, to 2014 and the highly-anticipated-by-everyone-except-me NFL draft.  I have been copping a bit of flack from my curly headed, smurf chasing co-conspirator and our reader (singular) to muck in and contribute to the Mock Draft.  But alas, I just can’t get excited about trying to guess what some crazy ass billionaire and his equally bonkers management staff will do.  It’s such a crap shoot, and the net benefit of actually getting it right is precisely zero.  Speculating on who is going to be a good fantasy player – potential positive impact on people’s fantasy teams.  Speculating on who will win divisions and matches this year – potential positive impact on people’s punting returns.  Speculating on who’s going to get picked when in the draft – no impact on anyone except the author who is then able to say “I (and everyone else in the known universe) told you Clowney would go at 1.”

To be honest, the whole draft process strikes me as a little – off.  You’ve got a bunch of old rich dudes fawning over a bunch of young fit men – making them compete in competitions of speed and strength, testing their fitness, “evaluating” them.  Apparently GM’s and owners are inclined to become “smitten” and “enamored” with a particular prospect*.  Meanwhile the common folk rank and rate them and try and guess who will pick who.  It’s all a bit slavers of Yunkai for mine (to carry on the GOT theme**…)

The other thing that strikes me about the draft, and in particular about trying to pick how things are going to develop, is that, by definition, you are trying to guess the decisions of largely incompetent decision makers.  Let me explain.  If your team is high in the draft order, its generally going to be there because the team’s owner and its management have traditionally done a poor job of selecting talent (this is particularly true of the perennial high drafters – Cleveland, Oakland, Jacksonville, I’m looking at you).  They have made poor decisions in the past.  The most likely outcome is that history will repeat and they will continue to make poor decisions in the future.  Occasionally you get a good team popping up at the top of the order (Indy in 2011 being the obvious example, who’s position was an aberration, quickly corrected) but generally, a team picking high is picking high for a reason, and often that reason is shitty personnel decisions

The sooner the whole thing is over the better.  We should be moving on to more important matters like speculating on who is going to be the first draftee to hit the free trade list, and who is most likely from this years class to end up on a list like this.

 

*Interesting tid bit.  Derek’s older brother David was the first draft pick ever taken by the Houston Texans in their inaugural draft in 2002.  Unfortunately, he was thrust into the starting slot behind the worst O-Line in the NFL (think of the beating Archie Manning copped with the Saints and triple it) and turned out to be an absolute bust.  This leads me to make the only confident prediction for this year’s draft – the Texans will not select a QB with the first pick.

** Speaking of GOT, I am seriously considering doing a Game of Thrones Mock Draft.  Hear me out.  The (currently living) children of each of the high born families go into the draft, and are then drafted into new families. The draft order of the families is determined by how crappy I think the family’s fortunes are currently (according to the latest TV episode, not the books, cool your jets).  The more I think about it the more I think this is a brilliant idea, and the sort of shit I would do every day but for the fact that I need to maintain paid employment.  In fact, it is such a good idea that I can’t shake the feeling that Grantland has either already done it or will do it before I get around to it – in which case, you heard it here first!